Seven Ways to Avoid the Seven-Year Itch
The urge for couples to be unfaithful is often called the seven-year itch, referring to the period of time that passes before fidelity issues creep into a marriage. The truth is that the temptation to stray can occur at any time, not just after a certain number of years of monogamy.
Always be alert for the red flags which signal that your marriage may be in trouble. For example, if the two of you bicker frequently, nag a lot or start nitpicking on the smallest things, it may be a sign. On the other extreme, you may also withdraw from each other, physically, sexually and emotionally. You talk less and you no longer have fun together. In fact, you may even feel happier when the other person is not around.
The warning signs need not spell the end of your marriage. It just means you need to work harder to get back to happiness.
There are ways to avoid catching the dreaded seven-year itch, by putting in the effort to be your partner’s best friend, and by paying attention to the warning signs.
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Be a friend
Just because you are married doesn't mean you stop being friends. A couple that talks, shares, laughs and, yes, cries together, is one that stays together. Love is the glue which holds a relationship together but friendship is the foundation. So, take time at the end of the day to find out if your other half had a good day. And really listen when he/she tells you about his/her strange new colleague or repeats that same old rant about his/her incompetent boss.
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Sometimes when we touch
It may sound slightly ludicrous to suggest this to a married couple, but make the effort to touch each other on a daily basis. It does not have to be in a sexual way. Some relationship experts advocate touching five times a day, dedicating a "dating day" every week and making time for an all-out love-making session every month, which helps to complement oral communication in a tactile and affectionate manner.
- Get out of the rut
It is perhaps inevitable that family life sets into a routine, especially with the daily grind of domestic chores, climbing the corporate ladder and raising children. While there is nothing wrong with ruling the roost like clockwork, it does take the romance out of things. Shake things up once in a while. Instead of dinner in front of the telly every night, how about moving the table onto the balcony and lighting a few candles? Or taking a bubble bath together, and offering a massage? You know best how the other person likes to be pampered, so do something occasionally that makes him or her feel special and adored.
- Show appreciation
As a couple becomes more familiar and comfortable with each other, the common courtesies of everyday life can get brushed aside. The first words to go disappear are "Please" and "Thank you". Make sure that such niceties do not give way to mono-syllabic grunts. Even if it is for a small gesture such as fetching you a glass of water, show him/her your appreciation. And be generous with your compliments. Let them know that they cook well, that you enjoy their conversations, or that you think that they are a fantastic partner. Don't worry about being repetitive; everyone likes to receive compliments.
- Watch out for emotional infidelity
The No. 1 reason men cheat is not for sex, but for an emotional connection, says marriage counsellor M. Gary Neuman, who is also the author of The Truth About Cheating. The same applies to women. Affairs usually start innocently enough – with conversation and sharing, at work and through SMSes or online chats. The intimacy then creates a bond and when that bond is allowed to grow stronger than the marriage itself, which is when the trouble begins. While limiting all contact with the opposite sex may be impossible – and may even backfire – make it a point to know all your partner's friends, especially those of the opposite sex. Be alert to any changes in routine and behaviour. Before any extra-marital situation can arise, have a heartfelt talk with each other about your feelings and fears.
- Resolve by bedtime
The Chinese have a saying which goes something like, quarrel at the head of the bed, and make up at the foot of it. Yes, there is a right and wrong way to quarrel. Speak up as openly as you can, without the intention to hurt. If you listen with an open mind, you’ll be surprised at how much you learn about each other through such honest communication. Do not go to sleep with any lingering resentment or it will build up. Learn to agree to disagree as it is impossible to see eye to eye on everything. If you have already set long-term plans and goals, do not let the little things derail them or your marriage.
- Love, actually
There is a difference between falling in love and staying in love. While the sensation of falling in love – all those endorphins and butterflies in the stomach – is fantastic, it is also fleeting. Staying in love takes a lot more work, but is also rewarding and long-term. Put in 100% of your time, effort and energy into your marriage. It is your most precious and valuable relationship, but often it can take a backseat to other commitments, such as work or hobbies. You need to consciously remind yourself to make it your top priority.
