Help! I'm Addicted to Porn!
It's a four-letter word that is seldom uttered in polite company – porn.
But behind closed doors, porn has made its way into many people’s lives through their televisions, computers and smutty magazines. Some even consider watching and exchanging porn with their friends a harmless pastime, or a legitimate way to learn about sex.
The fact is: porn can be harmful to your relationships with women, especially the significant other in your life. Porn can even be dangerous because of the way the media tends to misrepresent women.
According to the book “Toxic Porn” by Gene McConnell and Keith Campbell, there are five lies propagated by porn.
- Women are less than human
In Playboy magazines, women are called bunnies or playmates. They are reduced to animals or playthings, not real people with feelings and thoughts. Often, they are also not shown with faces to further dehumanise them.
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Women are a sport
Men often use the word "score" when they have sex with women. Porn turns sex into a game in which men have to win or conquer, not one in which both parties are equal partners.
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Women are property
Porn objectifies women, and that can clearly be seen in the way they are sometimes displayed, like merchandise with everything exposed for buyers to peruse. This leads to the wrong assumption by some men that once they buy a woman dinner on a date, they have also bought the right to have sex with her.
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A woman's value depends on how attractive her body is
Less attractive women are ridiculed in porn and called derogatory names such as pigs, dogs and whales. Only the exterior of a person matters, not how smart or funny or kind she is. (Do they even show ugly women in porn?) This point should be modified.
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Women like rape
A common scenario in porn, which leads to unhealthy male perceptions, is that of a woman who says "no" but means "yes". She starts off resisting, but ends up “enjoying” being raped. Porn makes rape erotic, instead of showing it for what it is – degrading, violent and wrong. Porn teaches that it is okay to hurt someone for your own pleasure.
Other Bad Effects of Porn
Research has thrown up some other disturbing findings about the effects of porn. For one, repeated exposure results in decreased sexual satisfaction with your partner. Many of the sexual scenarios, performances and positions depicted in porn are unrealistic or unreasonable in real life, and can lead to false thinking and expectations.
The value of faithfulness is also diminished, according to Professors Dolf Zillman of Indiana University and Jennings Bryant of the University of Houston. Sex without attachment, such as meaningless one-night stands, is also emphasised as more important than committed relationships.
In another study, by Dr. Reo Christensen of Miami University in Ohio, US, it was found that porn leaves the impression that sex is unrelated to love, commitment or marriage, and that irresponsible sex has no adverse consequences. The risks involved in promiscuous and unprotected sex, such as the spread of HIV/AIDS and other Sexually Transmitted Infections, are also ignored.
How to Kick the Addiction
If you are determined to kick your porn addiction, here are some practical steps from sex authors Gary Wilson and Marnia Robinson:
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Know that porn addiction is a learned behaviour. The challenge is to "unlearn" it. When the urge to watch porn strikes, tell yourself not to look at it for at least 15 minutes and immediately turn to a pre-determined activity that is constructive. This can be a breathing exercise, an exercise routine, or taking a cold shower.
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It is better to go "cold turkey" than to cut back gradually. A gradual withdrawal will just prolong the agony, so make a clean break. Delete the bookmarks on your computer and throw away all videos and magazines.
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If you have a fixed timing where you access porn, change your routine. For example, if you always view porn at home every Saturday night, sign up for a gym class at that time, or meet your buddies for drinks, to get yourself out of the house. Distracting yourself with other forms of entertainment can help you get over the initial urge to return to the habit.
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Beware of triggers. These can be porn-like images in advertisements or sex scenes in movies. Resist the urge to look, as this will intensify your cravings. Instead, this is the time to perform the action to kill the urge (Point 1).
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Do not be discouraged by setbacks. Your addiction is the result of billions of dollars of advertising, a permissive and sexualised pop culture, and a modern lifestyle that is individualistic and isolating. Take action against these temptations, and know that once you move beyond your addiction, you will have the willpower to overcome anything else that life throws at you.
