When You're Apart
A long-distance relationship may not be ideal, but it does not mean the end of the world. With the two of you living in different parts of the world, you’ll just have to find new and creative ways of doing things other couples take for granted, such as going to the movies or something as simple as holding hands.
Long-distance relationships happen for various reasons. Maybe one of you has to relocate overseas due to your work. Or you’re going away for a few years of study. Or maybe you are leaving for good because your family is migrating. Whatever the reason, you need to have a heart to heart talk on where your relationship stands, and where it is going.
- Questions and answers
Right at the beginning, make sure both of you are clear about the state of your relationship. Some questions you could discuss are:
- Are you dating exclusively or still seeing other people?
- Are there any plans to get engaged or married?
- Are you open to relocate and be together eventually?
- Is there an end to this long-distance arrangement or is it indefinite? What are your plans for the future?
- Do you have enough trust and confidence to see each other through?
- How will you cope with your sexual needs when you’re apart?
These are not easy questions to answer, but setting them out clearly in the open ensures that there are no misunderstandings and that you both have the same goals
-
Show and tell
Communication is key to keep the flame alive, more so than for other couples because you won't be seeing each other for long periods of time. Find out the best ways for you to do this (see Dating Tips). And try to keep in touch more than once a day. These do not have to be long, deep conversations, but just touching base about life's little mundane things, both good and bad.
-
Jealousy and trust
Trust issues can become magnified due to greater distance and time apart, relationship experts warn. Avoid the urge to monitor and control your other half's every move from afar and question any contact with the opposite sex. You have to trust that your partner has the same commitment as you in this relationship. Beware of the green-eyed monster and remind yourself that just because the other person is not around does not mean that his or her life is on "pause" mode. He/she will still have a social life and so should you.
-
Hello and goodbye
It is well and good to e-mail and call but nothing beats actual physical contact. Set aside a budget for visits and chalk up those frequent flyer miles. Try to fix a schedule so that there is something on the calendar to look forward and countdown to.
Dating Tips for Long-distance Relationships:
-
"Hang out" online
Besides the usual email and phone-call routines, take full advantage of technology and play Scrabble or Texas Holdem Poker together online. Multi-player games, too, can be great for interaction, and allows you to chat in real-time as well. You could invest in laptops with webcams so you can do a videochat, which is more intimate and less expensive than phone calls. Better still, bring your laptops to a wireless café, so you can have coffee outdoors and “hang out” together.
-
Share the little things
You can start a journal online together, where each can post entries of the day. It’s the same as how couples talk about the little things that happened to them at the end of each day, which will convey thoughts and feelings that are not easy to sum up in an email.
Or start a photo project, where you make the effort to shoot a photo to represent your day. It can be a simple slice of life, to let your other half know how you are coping with the daily grind, or it can be a photo to show how much you miss him or her. Either way, this will allow you to show that he or she is always on your mind.
- Do a sport or start a hobby together
Alternatively, leave the virtual world behind and do a sport or hobby that you both enjoy, such as taking up dance classes or picking up a foreign language. Not only will you be able to enjoy these activities when you visit each other, you will also have additional topics to discuss when apart. Imagine marking your progress at tango lessons with each other every week, then dancing up a storm together when you meet.
- Watch a movie, listen to music or read a book together
Couples do a lot of mundane things together – the joy is in doing them with someone special. So why don’t the two of you agree beforehand on a movie to watch and then rent it at the same time? Make a date night and watch it together. Alternatively, you can both get DVDs of the same TV series and watch them at agreed intervals. This will give you something to do together as well as discuss. You can do the same for books and music. Knowing that your partner is reading the same books and listening to the same tunes as you will remind you of the bond you share.
- Send a surprise
Make the postman your new best friend. Sending flowers may be the oldest trick in the book, but it works. Or if you prefer something less perishable, how about thoughtful little gifts, like a scarf for winter or a new toolkit for the house? You can also get up close and personal by sending items of clothing, scented in your signature perfume or after-shave. You may even want to wear them for a few hours first, so it smells just like you.
- Stay interesting
Memories can fade with time and distance, so do your best to remind your partner of the special person she fell in love with. Make the most of your time alone to rediscover and maintain your individuality, which can often get lost when couples spend all their time together. Spend more time with your family and friends. Or take up that rock-climbing course or drum class you have always wanted to.
- Record your journey
Make an effort to keep all your correspondences - e-mails, SMSes, chats and photos – and save some on your mobile phone that you can carry them with you everywhere. They can be a lifeline at the low points in your time apart, when you are feeling lonely or tempted to cheat.
