Sex in the Later Years
Let's say it upfront: sex is not meant only for younger people.
Case in point: a high percentage of men above the age of 60 still have strong sexual desires. Yes, when we were younger, sometimes sex was pretty much all we could think about. As we grow older, maybe sex diminishes in importance, but then again, maybe not.
Whatever your desire may be, the good news is that you can continue to have a fulfilling sex life in your golden years. To achieve this, it's also important to understand the changes that take place in you and your partner, both physically and psychologically as you grow older.
Your body has changed
One of the most common changes in older men is some degree of erectile dysfunction, more commonly known as impotence. Maybe it takes a longer time to have an erection, and you can't sustain it for a long time. You may not even be able to achieve a full erection. It is a normal part of growing older and there are many ways to overcome them. Some men turn to traditional remedies for help such as 'tongkat ali' (Eurycoma thongifolia) but your doctor is the best person to consult. *
Men over 40 years of age may experience andropause. This is due to a reduction of the sex hormone, testosterone, in your body. But unlike menopause in women, it is not as commonly understood as its symptoms are not as clear, and it can take place gradually over decades. Andropause can lead to fatigue, a loss of sex drive and energy, and a change in personal attitude towards life. If it begins to bother you, don't remain silent - ask your doctor.
Regardless of all these changes in your body, you can still have an active sex life.
Her body has changed, too
If your partner is over the age of 40, she could be undergoing changes in her body as well. Just as your testosterone levels drop, her oestrogen levels are reduced. This could result in her vagina becoming drier and less elastic, which may lead to painful intercourse. Her feelings toward you may be the same as before, but please bear in mind the physical discomfort she may encounter now.
Menopause usually occurs when a woman reaches 50 years of age. But it varies from woman to woman. When she is undergoing this transition (which can range from 6 months to 5 years), your partner may have other symptoms that could affect sexual interest, such as hot flashes, insomnia, fatigue, mood swings and urinary tract problems.
As long as you are mindful of her physical and psychological changes and what she has to put up with, there should be no reason to throw sex out of the window.
Practical tips
A satisfying sex life in the later years is for real. You may just need to be more patient and creative.
- Don't be obsessed with intercourse. Sex is not just about intercourse - it's about intimacy. Now and then, spice up your relationship with massages, passionate kissing, and the all-time favourite, cuddling.
- Take things slow. Choose a time when both of you are more relaxed and well-rested. Maybe plan a romantic setting so you can feel 'in the mood'. When in bed, indulging in longer foreplay can help her become more lubricated. Or, use a water-based lubricant to smoothen things down there.
- Be realistic. You can't run as quickly as you could when you were 30, so why do you expect to have sexual marathons now? Getting stressed out about your performance is more likely to lead to disappointment. Focus on your love for each other and explore new positions which work for both of you.
- Seek help. If you have a physical or psychological condition that's interfering with your sex life, such as erectile dysfunction, don't be embarrassed to consult a doctor. These conditions are treatable. For low testosterone and oestrogen levels, hormone replacement therapy may be recommended.
A healthy lifestyle, above all
This may be common sense, but most physical or psychological problems can be minimised with a healthy lifestyle. Engage in regular exercise, get enough rest, maintain a balanced diet, and stop smoking (altogether) and stop drinking excessively. While these may not guarantee you a sizzling sex life, they will make you feel better about yourself, which almost always increases sexual interest.
Most importantly, keep communicating with your partner. The great thing about sex in your later years is that you are more likely to be very familiar with your partner. There's less need to impress because you already know each other well. So, keep an open mind and let your partner know how you feel and what you're experiencing. The key is having openness, trust and the assurance that you are there for each other.
