Coping with a Miscarriage
If you've just recently exerienced a miscarriage, this is probably the toughest time that you've had to go through as a couple. The shock, sadness and grief can be heartbreaking, and you may even feel that it has rocked the core of your relationship.
A miscarriage is a sad loss, and we hope to provide you with a few tips to help you understand what happened and how to cope with the devastating news.
Understanding Miscarriage
A miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy before the 20th week. About one in six confirmed pregnancies end up in miscarriages. But most women who miscarried also go on to have a healthy normal pregnancy.
80 percent of the time, miscarriages happen in the first trimester (three months) of the pregnancy. But a miscarriage is not something you can prevent. It occurs when there is a problem with the baby's genes or chromosomes during conception or early foetal development. The problems are not inherited from the parents.
In some cases, a miscarriage may be caused by a mother's health condition, such as uncontrolled diabetes, thyroid disease, infections, and problems with the uterus or cervix. The risk of miscarriage is also higher if the mother's age is more than 35 years, or has the habit of smoking and/or drinking.
Emotional Healing
Miscarriage is a heart-wrenching loss and it can have an emotional impact on your relationship with your spouse. Research shows that one in three women report feeling more distant in their relationship after a miscarriage, but another third felt otherwise – the difficult times proved to be the life-changing experience that brought them closer together as a couple!
While it is never easy getting over the loss of your baby, there are a few things you can do to support each other and emerge stronger from this crisis.
People grieve differently
Don't be confused if you find that your partner is not reacting similarly to the miscarriage. Some people grieve by crying their hearts out, while others prefer to hold their feelings inside or even express anger. Accept the differences and give each other room to grieve in your own way.
Talk to each other
Research also shows that couples who communicate well about their loss not only improved their relationship, but also felt better about themselves. It may be difficult addressing your feelings about the miscarriage, but it is necessary. Talk about it when you're comfortable, and always let your partner know that you're willing to talk and listen, and provide a shoulder to cry on. This is the time where you'll need each other the most.
Stay in touch
Your family and friends can be a great pillar of support. It may hurt to talk about your loss, but it will help you feel less alone in your pain. Sometimes it feels as if nobody understands what you're going through, especially if some comments seem insensitive to you. But don't take it to heart. They do not have bad intentions – they merely don't know how to deal with your loss.
Grief takes time
Don't expect yourself to bounce back immediately. Your grief cannot magically disappear overnight but over time it will become less painful.
It's nobody's fault
The cause of a miscarriage is hard to determine accurately, but it certainly isn't the parent's fault and it's not something you can prevent. Don't let unnecessary guilt ruin the relationship.
Be kind to yourself
Once in a while, it's good to take some time off grieving. Lighten your workload, take a few days off to rest and make time for yourself and each other. Whether it's a 2-hour movie at the cinema or a quiet walk in the park, it is something to take you away from the sadness, even for just a short while.
