Is Matchmaking Making a Comeback?
Cupid has recruited some new helpers -- parents.
Well, actually, they are not exactly new, as parents have been match-making their children for the longest time. While arranged marriages may now be a thing of the past along with parental involvement in the dating game, the trend of matchmaking may be making a comeback.
Last year, after Singapore's Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong mooted the idea in his National Day Rally Chinese speech, a group of 80 parents gathered in Hong Lim Park to pair up their unmarried offspring.
They turned up armed with their children's resumés, photos and the determination to find someone for their beloved sons and daughters.
This pro-active approach taken by parents complements the social network of friends, colleagues and relatives who try to set up singles on blind dates.
Then there are the ubiquitous online dating agencies, which in recent years, have mushroomed on the Internet and all but eradicated the stigma of matchmaking in modern society. This can be a real boon to singles because, the truth is, only a few lucky ones will meet their Mr or Ms Right “by chance”. Cupid sometimes needs a helping hand.
Handle With Care
The disadvantages of being match-made are the same reasons it went out of style, so do take note of these factors if you are thinking of getting your son to “accidentally” meet that nice daughter of your old church friend.
For one, to a younger generation brainwashed by Hollywood and Mills and Boons romance novels, they are likely to harbour hopes of meeting their soul mate unintentionally, and when the stars align.
They want to both reach simultaneously for the same book at the bookstore, “just like in the movies”, for example. To hopeless romantics, the concept of matchmaking may be a tad too pragmatic -- where is the romance in that?
For another, your children may not be ready for a relationship. How well do you know them? Do you know their private lives and thoughts? If you take action at the wrong time, in the wrong way, you may be accused of being interfering and meddlesome. Your opinions regarding the right partner for them may also be seen as prejudiced.
For your matchmaking efforts to be appreciated, conduct your screening tactfully and discreetly. Your child is an adult, with a need for privacy, and will not like having his or her personal information and search for a partner broadcasted to every friend and relative you know.
Should you successfully arrange a date for your child, you may still face resistance because your child is under pressure to like your choice of date. Even dates set up by concerned friends or a matchmaking agency can be nerve-wracking experiences.
Not only are there no guarantees of a good match, there is also the worry that it will not work out, leading to disappointment for all parties involved, especially the parents.
So, while you can nudge your children to meet with potential dates, be prepared to have your good intentions rejected. Know when to step back and let nature take its course, no matter how much you think that the other party is a perfect match.
You May Be Doing Them a Favour
There are definite advantages to having a father or mother take on the role of a personal matchmaking agency.
As a parent, you have known your children their entire lives. You are clear on their likes and dislikes, values and lifestyle, entire dating history, even the "type" they are drawn to. Best of all, you get to screen the candidates and give the parental stamp of approval.
By narrowing down candidates for them, you will also save your time-starved children the hassle of needing to kiss many frogs to find their prince and princess.
You are also assured that the other person – having passed your assessment -- is serious about looking for a partner, and is not just looking for a good time or unprepared to settle down. To establish such basics is a good starting point for any relationship.
Setting Up the Date
It will be daunting for your child to go on that first blind date set up by you. To take the pressure off, don’t pin all your hopes on every date. Remind yourself that your role is as a go-between, nothing more.
Pass that ease of mind on to your child. Tell him or her that even if love does not blossom, both parties already have lots in common. If nothing else, they will make a new friend.
If your matchmaking efforts are handled well, your children will end up thanking you for it. Just be aware that there is a thin line between being involved in your children's love life and meddling. While you may make the introduction, the rest is up to them.
