When Things Don't Work Out
Whether you're single or married, falling out from a relationship can be heart-wrenching.
Some people respond with denial, others burn with rage, while most grapple with feelings of rejection or sorrow. Even ending a bad relationship can trigger feelings of fear, failure and despair.
Couples grow apart for different reasons. Quarrels or disagreements can occur over money issues, miscommunication, sexual problems, opposing opinions, abuse, or even infidelity. And whether you opt to part ways, or stay together for the sake of children, finances, or simply to save face - a broken heart is often hard to heal.
How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?
Surviving a break-up can depend on how well you cope with loss, and your ability to 'bounce back' from sorrow. The human spirit is amazing, and believe it or not, your heartbreak will heal, albeit after a while.
Give yourself some time to work through the struggle. Accept the truth that some things will not change, and learn to let go and forgive. It could take as short as a couple of days or weeks, or sometimes even months or years to come to terms with the pain or loss.
Although the grieving process is very painful, allowing the hurt to surface and accepting it is the only way to let the past go. Typically, a person may feel overwhelmed by certain emotions, some of which may even be conflicting. Be it denial, anger or sadness, there is a shelf life for heartbreak and this phase of your life will be over and done with one fine day.
Whatever you feel, what is important is that you deal with your feelings positively.
Some people may turn to self-afflicted violence, or drugs and alcohol to help them mask the pain of loss. Resorting to these methods may get you in trouble and prolong your period of emotional recovery.
When you feel that no one else could be worse off than you, consider these four suggestions to help lessen the pain:
Share your Thoughts
Talking through your feelings with someone you trust can help you feel better.
Redirect Yourself
Take your mind off the hurt and rediscover things you enjoy. Go for a movie or take up a hobby you always wanted to do.
Take Care of Your Well-being
Rest well, eat well and exercise. Give your self-esteem a big boost, feel good about yourself by spending time with family and friends who love you just the way you are.
Turn Anguish into Opportunity Drop the emotional baggage and focus on your strong qualities. Use the experience to emerge a stronger person. You're now older and wiser.
Issues with Children
If you are married, and separation with your spouse involves children, be sure to put their feelings first. Honesty is the best policy. Even young children can sense when things aren't right at home. Explain the situation to them in a way they can understand, and reassure them as much as you can of your love. Get your spouse to do the same if possible.
Another way to help children overcome the awkwardness is to let them talk. Telling your children that they can approach you or your spouse with their insecurities or questions is likely to reduce feelings of animosity or anger towards both of you.
Children may feel unwanted or unloved when their parents divorce. Some children blame themselves for the divorce. It's important to assure your children that they are still loved no matter what, and that both you and your spouse will continue making every effort to play active roles in their lives.
Where to Get Help
Sometimes, when relationships fail, the feelings of betrayal or sadness could be so deeply entrenched, or last so long, that talking to a professional counselor or therapist rather than a friend can be very helpful. A professional like a counsellor or therapist can help to you to gain better insight and get over it more quickly.
Call the National Family Service Centre Hotline at Tel: 1800-838 0100 (toll-free) to seek a referral.
